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If History Had Wi-Fi: Historical Figures as Today’s Influencers

I think about influencer culture a lot because it's become so ridiculous. Any bimbo with an online certificate and a social media graphics designer tries to tell you how to live life.

I thought to myself - what if historical figures lived today? Imagine a world where Julius Caesar wasn’t just conquering lands but also the trending page or Cleopatra wasn’t merely ruling Egypt but also ran the YouTube beauty community.

Julius Caesar: The Empire Builder

Platforms: Instagram and Clubhouse

Handle/Brand: @TheRealEmperor

Topics: “From Senate to Start-up” where he spills the tea on leadership skills. “From Gaul to Glory” — weekly adversity tales that rival the most dramatic telenovelas. Plus, tutorials on staying sharp in a toga.

Products: Limited edition gold-leaf Caesar crowns paired with a trendy beginner’s guide to Latin. Online course: “From Foe to Friend: The Caesar Charm School” because who said old-world charm is dead? And for the fitness fanatics, a workout plan with the catchphrase: “Conquer your workouts like you would Gaul.”

Hashtags: #JuliusJourneys #TogaTrends #GaulGains

Cleopatra: The Original Queen Bee

Platform: YouTube and Snapchat

Handle/Brand: @CleopatraCouture

Topics: Dive into queenly beauty hacks from the Nile that even the Kardashians would be jealous of. Weekly diplomacy diva sessions where Cleo drops truth bombs, and gripping snakebite survival stories (move over, Bear Grylls).

Products: Adorn your desk with Cleopatra’s jewel-encrusted keyboard collection. DIY milk bath kits — “Soak Like a Queen”, because self-care is always in. And of course, an online summit: “From Pyramids to Platforms: Branding Like a Pharaoh.”

Hashtags: #QueenOfTheNile #CleoGlowUp #PharaohFabulous

Sun Tzu: Your Strategy Guy

Platform: Podcast and TikTok

Handle/Brand: @StrategistSun

Topics: Weekly “Art of War” business blitzes that make regular strategy sessions look like child’s play. “Mind Over Melee” mental challenges to train your brain. Plus, peace-time power play sessions for when you want to conquer but keep it chill.

Products: Start your day right with the “Be the General of your Day” morning routine box. Plan your empire with the “War Room Wisdom” monthly planners, and of course, stealth-branded hoodies to awaken the ninja.

Hashtags: #WarriorWisdom #SunSessions #TzuTactics

Socrates: The OG Question Master

Platform: Medium and Twitter

Handle/Brand: @QuestionThisLife

Topics: Daily brain-twisting questions designed to elevate your existence and turn your morning coffee contemplative. Dive into “Plato’s Playlist,” a curated list of ageless wisdom from the ancient world. Plus, interactive, hemlock-free debate zones.

Products: “Think Deep, Drink Deep” philosophy over wine glasses. Subscribe to a box of monthly mind-benders, because who needs Sudoku? Plus, “Dialogues with Socrates” mentorship webinars for the thousand true fans.

Hashtags: #SocraticQueries #DeepDiveDaily #PonderWithPlato

Joan of Arc: The Fearless Femme

Platform: LinkedIn and IGTV

Handle/Brand: @JoanJolts

Topics: Weekly “Armor in the Boardroom” sessions — being female, fearless, and breaking glass ceilings (with a sword). “Visionary Vibes”: Turn your midnight dreams into world-changing realities. And, chill fireside chats (literal fire not included for safety reasons).

Products: Collaboration with Alicia Keys — “She’s on Fire” motivational cassette. Visionary leadership webinars (and, for an extra fee, real armour for those tough board meetings). Plus, a Saint Joan medallion, because we all need a little divine on our side.

Hashtags: #ArmorAndAmbition #JoanJams #FearlessFemale

Leonardo da Vinci: The Genius

Platform: Pinterest, YouTube, and Skillshare

Handle/Brand: @LeosLounge

Topics: Dive into “Renaissance Routines” tailored for the modern creator. Bi-weekly chopper talks where Da Vinci muses on flying machines. And a revamped “Vitruvian Man” series for the 21st-century human, exploring the intersection of art, science, and the human body.

Products: DaVinci doodle drawing kits that make stick figures a thing of the past. “Mona Lisa Smile” morning affirmation cards to start your day with mystery and allure. And workshops titled “Unleashing your Inner Polymath” because why master one field when you can master them all?

Hashtags: #DaVinciDesigns #MonaMagic #PolymathPaths

Queen Elizabeth II: The Monarch of Modern Times

Platform: Instagram Live and Pinterest Boards

Handle/Brand: @LizTwoTrue

Topics: A window into “Windsor Whispers”: candid moments from Buckingham to Balmoral. Discover “Crown & Country”, a series showcasing the balance of tradition and progress. And for fashionistas, dive into “Hats & Handbags” where timeless elegance meets modern flair.

Products: Elevate your style with the “Regal Radiance” accessory line, featuring brooches and scarves inspired by Her Majesty’s iconic looks. Dive into “Palace Protocols”, an online etiquette masterclass. And, for dog lovers, follow the “Corgi Chronicles” — an IG account, dishing on the royal pups’ adventures.

Hashtags: #LizLives #CrownChronicles #CorgyLife

Confucius: The Sage of Social Media

Platform: TikTok and In-Person Workshops

Handle/Brand: @ConfuciusClips

Topics: Start your day with “Wise Up With Confucius” daily bytes, offering bite-sized wisdom in between your cat videos. Dive deep into “Harmonize Your Hustle,” ancient strategies adapted for the 9–5 grind.

Products: Need advice? Introducing the “Ancestors’ Answer” oracle cards. Get your hands on harmony-at-home kits for that perfect Feng Shui living space. And don’t miss out on the “Family First” online workshop series — because if there’s one thing more complex than office politics, it’s family!

Hashtags: #ConfuciusConfessions #HarmonyHustle #NoodleNotes

Marcus Aurelius: The Tim Ferriss of The Past

Platform: Spotify and Patreon

Handle/Brand: @StoicStudio

Topics: Deep dive into modern stoicism tailored for the weekend warrior with “Meditative Musings for Metro Lives”. Sip on some candid “Coffee Thoughts” episodes. Let’s not forget the “Biohack Your Productivity Into Better Psychodelic Trip.”

Products: “Empire State of Mind” audio journaling prompts. Join “The Stoic Start-Up” online boot camp — resilience training with a touch of Roman flair. And jot down your daily reflections on “Meditations” themed notepads — old world charm, new world insights.

Hashtags: #MarcusMentions #StoicSips #EmpireEssentials

Winston Churchill: The Bulldog of Branding

Platform: Instagram Live and Podcasts

Handle/Brand: @ChurchillCharisma

Topics: Catch “Churchill Chats” where Winston spills tea (or rather, whisky) on leading during tumultuous times and his candid takes on modern politics. Dive into “War Room Whispers,” a segment where he dishes on secrets from the historic bunkers. And don’t miss “Cigar Sessions” — smoky, insightful tales on diplomacy, decisions, and daring.

Products: Elevate your office with the “Churchill Choice” — a curated monthly box of Winston’s favourite cigars, paired with tasting notes. Hungry for some leadership finesse? Sign up for “Victory Vignettes,” an online course on triumphing over adversity. If you’re feeling particularly cheeky, snag a limited edition “Winston’s Witticisms” calendar, keeping you chuckling and charged all year long.

Hashtags: #ChurchillChuckles #BulldogBranding #VictoryVibes

Marie Curie: Radioactive Radiance

Platform: Instagram Stories and TED Talks

Handle/Brand: @SassyScientist

Topics: Tune into “Curie’s Lab Chronicles” where she demystifies the magic behind her glowing discoveries. Marie’s “Periodic Pointers” break down complex science into bite-sized, easy-to-digest content for budding chemists. And for those who appreciate a touch of drama, enjoy “Luminous Legacies” — candid stories of trials, triumphs, and the constant quest for knowledge.

Products: Grab the “Curie Kit” — a monthly science box with experiments you can conduct at home. Hungry for more? Join a masterclass: “From Pitchblende to Nobel Prizes.” And for those looking to add some sparkle to their wardrobe, check out the limited edition “Glow with Curie” line of luminescent jewellery.

Hashtags: #GlowGetter #CurieCraze #ScienceSass

Jesus: The “Compassionate” Catalyst

Platform: Instagram Live & Podcasts

Handle/Brand: @MiracleMentor

Topics: Dive deep with “Parable Perspectives”, where Jesus uses modern analogies to shine a light on age-old wisdom. “Mount Talks” are weekly heart-to-heart sessions where he delves into questions of faith, love, and transformation. And don’t miss out on “Miracle Moments” — astonishing real-life stories from followers who’ve found hope and healing.

Products: Elevate your spiritual journey with the “Blessed & Grateful” journal, designed to nurture gratitude and mindfulness. Craving deeper connections? Enrol in the “Walking on Water” meditation workshop series. Explore the “Nazareth Nurtured” collection: handcrafted sandals made in the very heart of where it all began.

Hashtags: #BlessedBeyondBelief #HealingHugs #ParablePerspectives

Concluding The Digital Time Travel

And there we have it — a playful peek into a world where history’s luminaries trade their traditional tools for smartphones.

In all seriousness, we’re reminded that every age has its icons, its mediums, and its messages. The platforms may change, and the methods may evolve, but the quest to inspire (and sell) remains timeless.

So, if you’re an influencer in the making, remember that the key to lasting influence isn’t just about trending — it’s about transcending.

P.S. Who would you follow?

Photo by Giammarco Boscaro on Unsplash